Vampire Cheese
by kacheekyblu2
Summary: A random story me and my cousin wrote. It is about the worlds first Vampire cheese. Rated k because some biting
1. The cheese is born

WARNING! THIS IS TOTALLY RANDOM!

This is a story by Rachael and her crazy cousin Emma. We don't own twilight, and we aren't haters. And also, we don't own cheese. Well, the character we own, just not the whole cheese thing.

Narrator POV

One there was a poor little slice of cheese. It was all alone in the Cullen family fridge, (that they never used except for Renesmee.) One day Renesmee was hungry, but not for blood. She wanted something different. "Mommy, what is this yellow mushy stuff?" The half vampire asked. "Well my darling, that would be cheese. I loved it when I was human! " The mother replied. Renesmee picked it up and put it on a plate. Then she thought of something funny. /Can there be a thing as vampire cheese?/ She wondered. She skipped over to Emmett with the cheese in her left hand, "Hey Em, would you bite this for me?" She asked her uncle sweetly. "Um…sure." Emmett replied, Baffled He took the cheese from Renesmee, and bit it. He spit out the nasty human food and then walked away, muttering about "Creepy, nasty, good tasting humans." Then she picked up the cheese and put it back in the fridge, knowing it takes about 3 days to become a vampire.

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Cheese POV

I have been burning for a long time. But why? Parts of me had been sliced off, and then heated, but this was much worse!! It was al of me, burning, like I had been dipped in lava, butt lived butt still felt pain. Had I turned emo, and forgotten? No, probably not. I would be jumping around in pain, if I could move. Cheese doesn't move. I would be screaming in agony, if I could make sound. Cheese doesn't make noises (unless you "cut" it) but then, cheese didn't feel. It didn't think, either. I was a new kind of cheese. Then, finally, the burning ceased. After hours of burning in the cold dark fridge, it was over. But now, I could speak, and move. I could think, and breathe. I also realized, I could smell, and hear. But the talking was loud. I could smell all of the other food around me. /Boy, did it smell bad!/ Then there was a blinding light. When my eyes finally focused, I saw a girl. An adorable one, who looked to be about 5. She looked at me expectantly. "Um, hi?" I said, finding my voice. "Are you….Talking?" She asked, amazed. "No, I'm peeing!" I replied sarcastically. I hopped out of the cold fridge, and walked out of the kitchen. Hey, why was I suddenly smart, and knew what everything was called? Oh well. Better for me, anyways. Well, I walked into the family room, to find a family. Ha ha, funny. Ok, so I walked over to the T.V., and jumped on top of it. "Hey, you all." I called out "I am Cheese, and I am going to be taking over the world." "What the heck?!?!" A big strong looking dude yelled. I shrugged and started to walk to the door. I was blocked by that same big dude.

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Emmett POV

"What the heck!" I repeated. Why was this cheese talking? AND WHY WAS IT AWESOME LOOKING?!?!?! I stepped on the cheese to find it incredibly hard. It stopped my foot. The cheese named Cheese pushed up and I fell backwards. I charged at the stupid square of poop-headedness (Cheese) but I missed it. IT WAS TOO DANG SMALL!!!!!!!!!!! "RENESMEE!" I shrieked like a little girl. The actual little girl of the house came running, and when she saw the cheese, she picked it up and Emmett guessed that she was "Showing" it what had happened to it. Emmett had finally realized what had happened to the cheese. Cheese was the first ever vampire cheese.


	2. The cheese strikes back

Emmett POV

"Renesmee, you knew this would happen!" I growled. Renesmee nodded and her brown curls bounced adorably. "We need to get rid of him!" I told her. "NO!!!" She shrieked. She grabbed the cheese and ran out of the Cullen family house.

Renesmee POV

I ran towards the forest, looking for my wolfy friend. I found him as a wolf, pacing back and forth. "Jacob!" I screamed as I pressed my hand against his huge face. I showed him what had happened. He was growling. Then he saw the cheese, who looked pretty happy I had saved him. "You caused all this" Jacob said when he was human again. He started towards Cheese, looking hungry. I tried to protect him but Jacob just spun me around, but next thing I knew, Jacob was gone, and the only thing left was a HUGE pile of nacho cheese. She saw the cheese smiling evilly. "He's nacho cheese now, I am!" He said. Renesmee just rolled her chocolate brown eyes. She knew he would be back to normal eventually. She decided she needed more help to protect her cheesy friend. She was going to go get the voltri

Jane POV

I ran towards my "master". "Renesmee is here!" I told him. "Whatever." Was all he said. Renesmee walked in with…..Cheese? And…why was she talking to it? "I knew the Cullens where crazy." I muttered. "I have the worlds first Vampire cheese!" She announced proudly. Then the cheese actually said "EVERY ONE IS TRYING TO EAT ME!" Wow. "Well, take whoever you want to help you. I don't care." Aro said Lazily. He was kind of in the middle of a mid-life crisis. Renesmee then bounced happily away. "Do I have to go too?" I asked Aro. "yeah. Now go away." He snapped. Then he went back to being all emo and mid-life crisisy. I ran out and found Demetri and Felix and all those people, including Alec. Then I commanded them to do whatever Renesmee wanted.

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Cheeeeeeeeseeeeeee POV

"Attack!!!" I yelled. Now that Renesmee is all tied up back there, I can do whatever I want, and she also told the voltri to listen to meeeeeeee! My little army attacked the Cullen family and their so called "friends". I melted them all with my magical power. "Now go eat them!!!" I screeched. I sat down and trimmed my toe-nails while the Voltri did all the work. Come on, it's cheese (Kind of). I might be evil, but I am no Cannibal. After they finished, I ordered them to go throw Renesmee in a river. While they were taking her over to the river, I noticed them getting bigger. Then they all exploded, and the other vampires I turned into cheese where exploding out of them. You do not know how akward that is.


End file.
